I’m not suicidal per se, but the thought enters my head at least once a day..
#me #personal #life #love
I’m seriously starting to believe that there’s nobody out there who can love me as much as I would love them…
In 3 weeks I’m going to run out of money.
Then I’m fucked.
No job. No money. No anything.
No support system. Nothing to fall back on. If I don’t get some serious help in the next few weeks, I will have become nothing.
And that’s what I feel like now.
My level of hope is nil
My level of sanity is nil.
Looking for a way out…
"Once you’ve tasted perfection, it’s the only thing that will satisfy your hunger."-James M Gottenbos Jr
Him: "I don't believe in that kind of thing.
Him: I'm black."
Me: *dies of laughter*
What the fuck is wrong with me.
Once again. Unemployed.
10 jobs gained and lost in 3 years.
I’m not crazy enough to be in a facility, but I’m obviously not sane enough to hold a job for more than 3 months.
This time was due me having a difficult time scanning out credits (bad dates) which turned into a minor panic attack I guess you could say. I was shaking on the outside and screaming on the inside. And this was in the receiving bay of Carrs Boniface.
I let my frustration show and the people there decided that I was creating a “hostile work environment”
They said I was punching and kicking trays in anger.
I don’t even remember punching anything.
Weed is the only drug/med I’ve ever done that has calmed me down and balanced out my moods.
But in order to get a good paying job, I can’t fucking smoke.
Whenever it seems my life is starting to stabilize, some shit like this has to happen.
Every new opportunity I get, I fuck up.
I just don’t even know anymore.
I really don’t.
I know how you feel. We’re all broken on the inside though. Seriously, I hope you feel better soon. If you ever want to talk :) I’m here
Honestly I wouldn’t even know what to say. I am always the one people ask for advice because I’ve been around the block a few times and have a very logical viewpoint on things.
However, when I get into moods like I did yesterday, my emotions manipulate my idea of what is or isn’t logical.